Songs By Paine
by ffx2fan
Summary: Paine gets to do her own songs. Not willingly but hey. This story is for anyone who has wanted to see Paine sing.
1. Deaths Devotion

Hey ya'll. It's me again. I thought I would try something similar to the once famous story of Paine's Brains. I miss it so. But anyhoo. Well this first chapter ought to explain it all. Oh yeah this story is for all the people who have ever wanted to see Paine singing and dancing. She needs a little fun in her life don't ya think?

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Final Fantasy X-2 or its characters. Why must I type this again? Whatever.

Death's Devotion

"Hey Paine," said Rikku.

"What do you want this time?" questioned our star Paine.

"Sing me a song."

"No. Ask Yuna to."

"I don't wanna ask her. She is too far away."

"She is sitting next to you."

"But your closer."

"I am on the other side of the frickin room!"

"So."

"sigh My God you are an idiot."

"Wait a minute. How come you always get to be the star of this guy's stories?"

"Trust me I don't want to. I always end up being forced to do something stupid."

"Hehehe. That always makes me laugh."

"Shut up."

"Hey Paine," finally chipped in Yuna.

"What?"

"I think you should sing a song this time. I always sing."

"I don't care. I am not singing."

"Hey Yuna," said Rikku.

"Yes?"

"Let's go get Shinra. He will make us something."

"Good idea."

"Wait a minute. Why do you think Shinra would even make something to make me sing?" asked Paine.

"Well cause he always has useless junk for us at just the right time," said Yuna.

_Three minutes later._

"Well as a matter of fact I do have something that will make Paine sing and put her in a music video. I'm a genius ya know," said Shinra in a very proud voice.

"Shinra why do you always have crap like this just when they want it?" Paine asked.

"Don't know. The writer made it that way."

"Hey, ffx2fan, I hate you for what you are about to make me do."

"Oh you'll live," said Rikku.

"Yeah it'll be fun," stated Yuna.

"So Shinra, what do you call this little remote here?" asked Rikku.

"Well it's the Insert a Random Nonsensical Name Here. All you do is point it at Paine hit this button here and she will go in the T.V. and the remote knows exactly what song you want her to sing. It's not exactly perfect so the song may be modified a bit but don't worry about it. It's still music," explained Shinra to our favorite trio.

"Wow. It sounds random," said Rikku in awe.

"Here you go." Shinra handed the remote to Rikku.

"What's this thing?" Shinra ripped the remote out of Rikku's hands and gave it to Yuna.

"Just have fun with it okay."

"Got it," reassured Yuna. "Let's go try it out." She pushed the button and Paine was gone. They ran to the T.V. and saw Paine in her Dark Knight Dressphere. She was surrounded by fiends and everything she hated. Music started and everyone recognized it as Real Emotion, but if you remember Shinra saying it may be modified, well it was modified.

_What can I kill u with  
what can I kill u with  
No one can hear you  
what can I kill you withx3 _

_Far beyond the hazy borders of this world  
I can see the pain its something like this. (stab)  
Surely now and then you knew what was next.  
How could you not see your own death?  
With the things I've seen in my bloody dreams  
Its just like what I'm seeing now.  
Everyone is screaming and bowing at my knees._

_And though I know the world of Deaths Devotion has surrounded me  
I will not die.  
Now I know that in the heart's the only way to go  
I hear your voice calling out to me  
But you'll always be alone._

_What can I kill you withx3  
No one can hear you._

While she was singing this song which she rather enjoyed she was slicing and dicing everything around her.

"Damn, this is fun," said Paine.

"I like this Yuna," said Rikku.

"Me too. What song do you wanna do next?" asked Yuna.

"I don't know. It's not up to us is it now?"

"Guess not."

Ok. Well to find out the next song stay tuned. Um… I hope you liked it. Oh yeah. Paine3 will be helping sometimes so she gets some of the credit. Not for this chapter though.


	2. Small Bladder Girl

"What the hell!" screamed Paine. "I can't believe you two idiots. I swear! Shinra, that idiot. I'm gonna kill him one day!"

"I thought you liked hacking up fiends and anything happy," said Rikku.

"I do. It's the singing I can't stand. Don't ever use that piece of crap again!"

"Sorry," said Yuna.

"I'll be right back," Paine said as she hurried out of the picture.

"Hey Yunie?" questioned Rikku.

"Yes?"

"Why do you think Paine always exits the scene like this?"

"I don't know. Maybe she has a small problem." A flush was suddenly heard in the background.

"Well small is for sure. Hehehehehehe. Paine has a small bladder! Hahahahaha."

"What are you two laughing about now?" asked Paine.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," snickered Yuna.

"Take this!" yelled Rikku pointing the remote at Paine.

"Damn it!" yelled Paine.

Paine appeared in the TV wearing a cheerleader uniform. An oh so familiar song started to play. Hollaback Girl.

_Uh-huh, this my pee._

_All the girls cross your legs like this! _

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl._

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl_.

_Eeeeew this my pee this my pee. _

_Eeeeew this my_...Oh Yevon, excuse me for a second."

Paine runs away and a few seconds later we hear a toilet flushing. She comes back in. _Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_I saw that you were drinkin water and I just knew: I couldn't hold it!_

_When I see people drinkin like that I just have to run! _

_Down the hall first door to the left, oh crap that's the wrong one! _

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl._

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl_.

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Insert funny verse here about Paine peeing until I can think of one._

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl._

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl_.

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Now say: There's pee in the toilet, t-o-i-l-e-t. _

_THERE'S pee in the toilet T-O-I-L-E-T! _

DAMN! Now I've gotta go again!" Runs away.

_Now there's pee on the floor, F-L-O-O-R. _

_THERES pee on the floor F-L-O-O-R! _

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl._

_Many times through the bathroom door, I often miss and go on the floor!_

_Cause I'm a small bladder girl, yeah I'm a small bladder girl_.

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

_Eeeeew this my pee, this my pee._

"Oh my God!" yelled Rikku in an astonished voice. "That was wrong."

"Yes it was," agreed Yuna.

"Hello," they heard Paine say from behind. "Prepare for an immense pain brought to you by Paine"

So what do you think? If you have any suggestions for the second verse email them to me. What song should be next? I am always open to suggestions. Yay!


	3. Lady Fantasy

**Lady Fantasy**

"Hey Wakka?" said Tidus turning to his friend back in Besaid.

"What man?" asked the Besaidian.

"Well I've seen those videos Paine has done."

"Ya, there pretty hot eh?"

"Yeah, and if TV can make someone that ugly hot, imagine what it would do to people who were hot already."

"So you're saying we should zap Yuna, Rikku, Shelinda, Paine, and Leblanc into a Lady Marmalade parody video and just enjoy ourselves while they strut around nearly naked?"

"I wasn't thinking it, but ok."

_In the hospital…_

Yuna and Rikku were being visited by Paine, Leblanc and Shelinda.

Rikku broke the immense silence with an "I'm bored!"

Suddenly Wakka, Tidus, Ormi, Logos, Baralai, Nooj, and Gippal burst through. "TAKE THAT!" they all yelled as the zapped the girls.

_A/N: All the girls are wearing the same outfits as the women in the actual video._

_Shelinda:_

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Final Fantasy

_Leblanc:_  
Where's all my sphere sistas  
Lemme drink yall's beer sistas

_Yuna:_  
Hey sista, go sista, sphere sista, beer sista  
Hey sista, go sista, sphere sista, go sista

_Yuna:_  
You met Fantasy back around 2003  
Struttin' our stuff on the street  
Start menu called, "Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?" Oh! uh huh

_Chorus:_

Bitchy, Bitchy, ya ya dada (Hey hey hey)

Bitchy, Bitchy, ya ya here (here)  
Mocha Chocalata ya ya (oh yea)  
We are lady Fantasy

_Leblanc:_  
What What, What what  
_Yuna:_  
ooh oh

Whorey, whorey, whorey, whorey

Slutty, slut, slut, slut, slut

_Leblanc:_  
yea yea yea yea

_Rikku:_  
You sat on your couch while we kicked some ass  
We got naked in the springs  
Oh our bras and knees, all could be seen.  
yeah

_Chorus:_  
Bitchy, Bitchy, ya ya dada (da-da-da)  
Bitchy, Bitchy, ya ya here (here ohooh yea yeah)  
Mocha Chocalata ya ya (yea)  
We are lady Fantasy

Whorey, whorey, whorey, whorey

Slutty, slut, slut, slut, slut

_Leblanc:_  
yea yea uh  
We come through with the spheres in the tight belts  
I could go for some cake straight up the gate uh (What?)  
We independent women, some know that we're whores  
I'm sayin', why spend mine when I can spend yours  
Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry  
Imma keep stickin' these boobs out like starry (What?)  
We're revealin' our boobs , getting love from the dudes  
4 bad ass chicks from Final Fantasy X-2  
hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get those spheres sistas  
We drink beer with diamonds in the can  
by the case the meaning of painful taste  
if you wanna Bitchy, Bitchy, ya ya  
Mocha Chocalata (What's that?)  
We are Lady Fantasy  
One more time C'mon now

Fantasy... Lady Fantasy... Fantasy... 

_Paine:_  
hey Hey Hey!  
Look of our skin is silky smooth  
digitally made perfect alright  
Made the savage beast at the end roar until he cried,  
Whore-whore-whore

_Rikku:_  
Now he's in the farplane doin 9 to 5

_Yuna:_  
Sleepin' the grey flannel life  
_Paine:_  
But when he turns off to sleep memories creep,

Whore-whore-whore

_Chorus:_  
Bitchy, Bitcy, ya ya dada (da daeaea yea)

Bitchy, Bitcy, ya ya here (ooh)  
Mocha Choca lata ya ya (yea)  
We are lady Fantasy

Whorey, whorey, whorey, whorey

Slutty, slut, slut, slut, slut  
Whorey, whorey, whorey, whorey

Slutty, slut, slut, slut, slut

_Shelinda:_  
Paine...(oh Leaeaa Oh)  
Rikku... (Lady Fantasy)  
Leblanc...(hey Hey! Whore, whore ,whore, whore, whore, whore, whore, whore)  
Yuna...(Oh Oh oooo)  
Spira baby...(baby)  
Final Fantasy... (0h)  
Shelinda here...

We are Lady Fantasy Yes-ah...

"That was fun," said Rikku. "I'm not bored anymore."

Everyone else was staring at the naked men laying on the ground asleep still all blushing.

"Oh that's just wrong," said Paine as she pulled a hatch dumping the naked bodies from Yuna and Rikku's room where they fell into random parts of Spira as everyone stared at their nakedness.


	4. Umbrella

Over a year since the last update, haven't really been any good songs to parody until this one. I tried with the requested songs but I couldn't, I'm sorry. I'm not WeirdAl. So, anyway, I hope you enjoy Umbrella.

Disclaimer: Don't own FFX2 or Rihanna.

Yuna walked into the room whiter than Paine.

"Oh my gosh Yuna, what happened?" Questioned the ever-curious Al Behd.

"I just saw Paine in the closet with Baralai. She was on her knees!" Yuna was still in disbelief that characters in a T rated game were allowed to do these things. If she would have known that, she would've been nude the entire adventure.

"Paine's a WOMAN!?!?!"

"That's just what I said!"

"Get the remote."

"Oh I already zapped her."

"Then turn on the damn TV!"

Paine was dressed in a black dominatrix outfit glaring right at Yuna. Then the music started.

I felt your arse  
God, we'll never be worlds apart  
I may have been on my knees  
But you won't be my star  
Baby cause in the dark  
You can't see the parts  
And that's when you met me there  
But honey I thought you was Claire  
So

When the sun shines, we won't shine together  
Told you I mistook you for my lover  
Now I'll always be a friend  
Took your growth I won't stick it out till the end  
Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll never have each other  
You can't stand under my umbrella  
Cause boy, I ain't into fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
Ain't into fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
Just don't like the fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
I'd rather have Bella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

Your fancy thing, will indeed come in between  
You're part of my memory, here for Infinity  
When the war has took it's part  
When the world has dealt it's cards  
If the thing is hard, believe my hand will discard  
Because

When the sun shines, we won't shine together  
Told you I mistook you for my lover  
Now I'll always be a friend  
Took your growth I won't stick it out till the end  
Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll never have each other  
You can't stand under my umbrella  
Cause boy, I ain't into fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
Ain't into fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
Just don't like the fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
I'd rather have Bella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can't come onto my arms  
Now I'm pissed, be alarmed  
Come here to me  
There's no distance in between you and me  
So go on and let the punches pour  
I'll beat you up and even and more  
Because

When the sun shines, we won't shine together  
Told you I mistook you for my lover  
Now I'll always be a friend  
Took your growth I won't stick it out till the end  
Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll never have each other  
You can't stand under my umbrella  
Cause boy, I ain't into fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
Ain't into fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
Just don't like the fellas  
(Ellas ellas eh eh eh)  
I'd rather have Bella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining  
Ooh baby it's raining  
Baby stay away from me  
Get away from me  
It's raining  
Oh baby it's raining

"That was way more than enough of Paine to last me a month," said Rikku surprised at the supreme sluttiness.

"Snipple©, even my clothes aren't that small," Yuna said to the TV as she took off her top thanks the unknown freedoms she had.

"Hey I got an idea!"

"What?"

"Let's go make soup like an apology for her, and then we can put a balloon in it!"

"Alright!"

The girls ran off into a future with a choking Paine followed by a non-choking Paine causing them a lot of hurt.

Eh-hem. Snipple© is copyright ffx2fan/ffx2fan16/Chris Henderson. But you can use it if you want to.


End file.
